Sexual Malfunction!
by Akuma-Chibi
Summary: Hey!Im Kagome Higurashi,recently I moved in with my Uncle and cousins.Now Im constantly in positions where Im fighting Demons,exorcising Ghosts,running from Lesbians,avoiding perverted neighbors and watching over my Suicidal Bro,its life,what can you do?


**Sexual Malfunctions**

**Summary: Hey! I'm Kagome Higurashi, and just recently I moved in with my Uncle and two cousins. Now I am constantly put in positions where I'm fighting Demons, exorcising Ghosts, running from Lesbians, avoiding perverted neighbors and watching over my Suicidal Brother...it's life, what can you do?**

**Anime: InuYasha/Ghost Stories**

**Couple: Kagome/Hajime**

**Genre: Romance/Adventure/Supernatural**

**Rated: M (''^o^'')**

**LEMON...in first chapter..0///0...**

**-x-x-x-**

**Thy Soul is Free**

**And Thy Shirt is Off**

**Kagome: Why is my shirt off?!?**

**-x-x-x-**

"Souta, pull your head back inside before I push you out of the window." Kagome told her younger brother. He was glancing back to the direction they had left and had been for the past six or seven minutes now. "SOUTA, YOUR PISSING ME OFF, NOW GET BACK INSIDE!" She yelled, pulling him back in and leaning over enough to roll his window up. "Stepie, lock the window!" She snapped at the woman up front driving, who listened and locked the window.

"Kagome, stop yelling at your brother."

"I'll stop yelling at him when you stop breathing."

"That won't be happening for a long time." The woman had blonde hair in a bob cut to her shoulders and green eyes.

"Damn,"

"Shut up, I'm your mother."

"You're my step mother, get it right, Stepie."

"_Kagome..."_

She glanced at her brother; he had short cut black hair and dark blue eyes, similar to her. "What?"

"Could you get my bag?"

"Why?"

"My cd player is in there."

"No, we are almost there. You can listen to your music at your Uncles place. Pulling stuff out will only keep you in my car longer. The sooner I get rid of you, the sooner I can go home."

"Shit, you didn't even tell Uncle Chi! You stupid bitch, what if they can't take us in!?"

"Then they can throw you out, just don't come home."

"You know, my dad will find out about your midnight rendezvous with the neighborhood watch committee, and he'll toss you out with the rest of the trash."

"Shut up you sociopathic Twat, keep that shit to yourself and get out of the car." She said, pulling to the curb of a two story house. "Hurry up, or I'll leave you here without your bags!"

Kagome cursed and unbuckled her and her brothers' seatbelt. Grabbing her brothers' hand, she opened her door and pulled him out. Dragging him to the trunk, it popped open and she began pulling suitcases out; handing two to her seven year old brother, and placing one on the sidewalk before grabbing the last two. She slammed the trunk shut and walked back to the opened back seat. Grabbing her back pack, she slammed the door shut and watched the witch drive off.

"_Stupid slut..."_ She muttered, unaware of the fact that two boys were staring at her long legs that were clad in black and white stripped stockings with a red skull imprinted on the top of the knee length stockings; a pair of three inch black Mary Jane Platforms on her feet. A black canvas corset style top with black satin panels at the front, a zip front closure and Military style strap detail with White Highlights across the front and black decorative pressed stud style buttons adorned her top, with a living dead skirt with black stretch lace and a net over layer with a black satin net trimmed under layer; the top layer was decorated with black ribbon bows and black bead trim, completing the Lolita Goth look she had been going for.

"Hey! Grab your shit and let's go. I wanna get this over with."

"..."

Souta followed, he was wearing a plane light blue t-shirt with a pair of blue jeans and tinny shoes. They carried four of the five, with her bag over her shoulders. She turned around to go get the last one only to run into a lightly tanned boy with black messy hair and deep rum brown eyes. Made her want to start drinking...

"This is yours?"

She glanced down and took note of her last suitcase that was held in his hand, placed on the concrete ground.

"Thank you, it is. Uh...who are you?"

"I'm Aoyama, Hajime...are you moving in?"

"...Why do you want to know?" She looked at him suspiciously.

"Oh! Don't worry, I'm no stalker!"

"...very reassuring..." She took her suitcase from the boy and turned back to the door. "Who's your friend?" She asked, knocking on the door, ignoring his previous question.

"Oh," He glanced back to the light brunette with brown eyes and glasses. "Kakinoki, Leo...he's Jewish."

Not the most attractive person she had ever seen, but okay looking. "So he's been circumcised; nice of you to point that out." She stepped back a bit as the door opened and she bowed politely.

Hajime's eyes widened along with his friends as they got a front seat view of the girls skulls and crossbones panties.

"Uncle Reiichirou..."

"Kagome...and Souta?"

She smiled and straightened up. "Yeah, Stepie wanted to get rid of us...so she threw us to you. Do you mind if we stay until dad finds out she's whoring around?"

"She's a slut?"

"That's the nice way of putting it." She smirked.

"Hahaha, come in. We have plenty of room. Hajime, grab those two and help her carry those to the upstairs room across from yours."

"Righto!"

"His?"

Her uncle smiled, "Yes, originally Satsuki was going to have that room, but she changed her mind, saying that she would prefer a room with know windows across from hers."

"Ah..." She glanced at the boy now next to her and mentally smirked. He was a pervert...through and through. He was feigning kindness and acting out the part of a good neighbor, helping her carry her luggage and doing as her Uncle requested without complaint. He played his part well...she almost believed...he deserved a reward for his effort, and had she been that kind of girl...she might have bended in his favor, pun intended.

Reiichirou turned to Souta and patted the boy on his head. "You can room with Keiichiro. I'll show you to his room."

Souta nodded silently.

"Susu,"

Souta glanced to her, "...yes?"

"Listen to him, and behave."

He gave a nod and she followed Hajime up the stairs.

"His name is Susu?" Hajime asked. The other boy, Leo had gone in search of Satsuki.

"No, his name is Souta. He's a suicidal nut job, so I call him Susu."

"Susu...su, from suicidal...I got ya. Humph, don't take this the wrong way, but the brats in your family are fucked."

"I'm aware." She watched him open the door to her knew room and walked in with him carrying two of her three suitcases. She placed her third next to the two he'd carried in and her back pack was quick to follow too. She made her way to the window and stretched before leaning forward onto the sill, elbows and arms crossed over one another on the window frame. "So you know Satsuki?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. She goes to my school, always getting into shit, ends up taking me, Leo, her brother and a Christ obsessed upper classman down with her."

She laughed, turning around so that she was leaning back with her elbows on the frame now, "That isn't very considerate of her. What kind of trouble does she get into?"

"Yeah, well, about that. You probably wouldn't believe me, so why don't we wait till she comes screaming for help."

"That works for me, um...do you mind helping me unpack?"

"Sure! Oh, that is, I would be happy to."

"I doubt that, but thank you." She smiled, looking around the mostly empty room. It was already set up with a dresser and bed, so she didn't need to worry over that, but she still needed to set her room up.

They spent the majority of three hours placing items from two of the suitcases in different places, on the windowsill and on the random shelf that just happened to be there. Hajime made his way to the third suitcase and snapped it open while she was busy and chuckled. "You have better taste than your cousin, skulls, crossbones and lace must be your flavor."

She blushed and turned to see him holding up a pair of black polyester low cuts lined with black lace. "Is this a hobby that a should be worry about?"

"Uh, I'll take that as a dumb question. Yeah, it's my unspoken hobby, but shit, look at you, there are many other things that I would much rather be playing with, other than your panties."

She smiled cutely at him and walked closer to him until they were half an arms length from each other. "Go ahead then, let's play."

"...wait...you are aware that I meant I wanted to play with your boobs...right?"

"I'll take that as a dumb question." She repeated his earlier comment before leaning forward and kissing him firmly on his lips. His eyes widened and not even seconds later he had her on the bed next to them. She could see patience wasn't a strong point with him, seeing as he already had her unzipped and was pulling it down over her shoulders. His grip caused her to wince as he took hold of her mounds that were hidden beneath the black bra she wore. "AH! Hajime, that hurt!" She snapped.

"S-sorry..." He loosened the painful grip and started to knead and work her breasts until her nipples were perked and could be felt through the thin fabric. He bit down onto the fabric covered nipple and a small gasp escaped her.

"Shit, suck on them Hajime!"

"That's an invitation if I've ever heard one," He sucked herd on her left nipple while pulling painfully hard on her right. The mixture of pain and pleasure kept her from hitting him, but forced her into crying out multiple profanities while moaning. "Haha, this is fucking great, here, feel this!" He took her hand and moved it to his hard, throbbing cock that was straining against his pants.

"Hard already?" She laughed. "Not that big though,"

That was something she wished she could take back; he started rubbing himself against her panties before pulling them off and stuffing them into his back pocket. She felt the rough cotton rubbing painfully against her clit now and couldn't the whimper that escaped her. She could truthfully say, a vibrator felt better on her clit any day! "Stop! It hurts, you're rubbing me too hard!"

"Not even!" He rubbed harder and faster, drawing out labored breaths from her parted lips

"Ha-Hajime!"

"_**AHHHHHHHHH!"**_

"Shit! Not now!" He stopped grinding against Kagome and tore his jacket off before tying it tightly around his waist so that the sleeves fell behind him. "Get up and fix yourself up, or else your cousin will find you in..." He looked to see her sitting on her bed with her clothes fixed, hair brushed and hands in her lap.

"...were you saying something?" She pulled her panties from his pocket and he went to argue when she pulled them on, only the door slammed open and she sat back down.

"THAT DAMN CAT! WHERE THE FUCK IS HE!?"

"...he's in your room...like always." Hajime said, striking his Anime Cool Guy pose as he let his arms fall crossed behind his head. "What's your problem?"

She moved to the window and pointed outside. "That's, my problem! Now go fucking find the cat!" Outside, a horde of ghost cats were freaking out about cars as they scoured through the roads looking for Satsuki.

"Right your bitchyness."

Kagome looked outside with slightly wider eyes, already wide from her cousins' outburst.

"Bad day?"

She sighed, "You have no idea,"

"HEY, PUT ME DOWN YOU MORONIC LOSER!"

"Who the hell are you calling a loser, you demon in a cats body!" Hajime walked back in with a black cat held by the scruff of his neck.

"How cute!" Kagome grabbed the cat from Hajime and snuggled it close to her chest. "He's so cute. What's his name?"

"**Amanojaku."** They said simultaneously. **"AND HE'S NOT CUTE!"**

"...uh...right. Ama-Kun, you are a demon huh?"

"Yeah," He purred as she pet him, scratching him behind his ears.

"Did you know...I purify demons?"

"..." His eyes widened and he jumped out of her arms and into Satsuki's. "Shit! You have a Miko in your family?!" He hissed at Satsuki.

"How the hell am I supposed to know!?"

"She _is_ your cousin, isn't she!?"

"SO! WE DON'T EXACTLY KEEP TABS ON OUR FAMILY TREE!"

"Whatever!"

"Look, she won't purify you, or whatever the hell she does! Just tell me how to get rid of those!" She held him to the window and he chuckled cruelly.

"You pay a visit to your moms' gravesite lately?"

"No, why?"

"You may be joining her side sooner than you anticipated."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT!"

"Haha, you pissed off the wrong pussy. She's out to claw your eyes out and piss on them, hope you brought your night lights and wake up pills, because that bitch gets you when you're out. She sends her pets to freak you out before hunting you herself, sleep tight kiddies." He jumped out of Satsuki's arms and took off out of the room. The clawing and scratching sounds downstairs told them that the cats had found her house. Claws against doors, windows and god knows what else could be heard and when a cat moved to jump inside her room, Kagome held her hand up and a barrier was erected.

"I guess it _would_ be too much to ask for demons and ghosts to just leave my family alone."

"Sis..."

She turned around and saw Souta and Keiichiro standing in the doorway. "Susu, what's wrong?"

"..." He held up his hand, his eyes emotionless, despite the blood leaking from his hand where cat bites were. "Kei was almost bitten."

"Shit!" She tore the ends of her dress and wrapped his wounded arm quickly enough before shutting her door and making sure there were no other entrances. "Worst comes to call, we shove Satsuki out the window and find a way to get rid of them while she plays decoy."

"WHAT!? WHY ME?"

"...simple...they want...you!" She held the two younger boys close to her and Keiichiro snuggled his head into her breasts.

"Keiichiro, stop it! She's your cousin!"

"Ah, baau ua ya yue uj uea!" He yelled/cried.

Kagome pushed the youngest off of her and into Souta's arms who sat on his calves on the floor, now holding the youngest. "Look, watch over these two, I'll be back."

Hajime gawked. "What!? You can't go out there alone!"

"..." She turned around and looked him in the eyes, "Did I say I was going out alone?"

"So you are going with someone?" Hajime asked.

"Yeah," She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and tossed him into the hall first. "You are coming as a decoy for me!"

Satsuki watched the door shut, praying for her cousin and friend to come back safely. She would no doubt accept god into her life if she lived through this.

"WHAT THE HELL DO I LOOK LIKE!?! A CHRISTIAN?!?"

**-x-x-x-**

**Me: Alright craziness! Who doesn't love a good random fic with a crossover never before seen?! THAT'S RIGHT! EVERYONE LOVES THEM! Please leave a review! ^_^''**


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